How to Protect Your Peace This Thanksgiving

Why Thanksgiving Can Be Emotionally Complex

For many people, Thanksgiving is portrayed as a time for gratitude, warmth, and togetherness. But for others, it can feel more like a test of emotional endurance. The holiday often brings unresolved family tensions, grief for those no longer present, and stress from social expectations or loneliness.

As therapists, we see this duality frequently. Clients report feeling guilty for not "loving the holidays," anxious about spending time with family, or overwhelmed by trying to hold it all together. This article offers evidence-based, therapist-informed strategies to help you navigate the emotional terrain of Thanksgiving while prioritizing your own mental well-being.

1. Acknowledge That the Holidays Aren't Always Joyful

It’s okay if Thanksgiving doesn’t feel like a celebration. It’s okay if gratitude feels forced. Many people experience mixed emotions this time of year—especially those dealing with grief, complex family dynamics, trauma, or estrangement.

Therapist Tip: Give yourself permission to name your truth. You can feel grateful and sad. You can feel excited and overwhelmed. Emotional nuance is part of being human.

"Holding space for conflicting emotions is an essential step toward self-compassion and resilience."

2. Set Intentional Boundaries Before You Arrive

Whether you're traveling to visit family or hosting people in your home, boundaries are essential. From political conversations to diet talk to invasive questions about your life, Thanksgiving can quickly cross emotional boundaries.

Therapist Tip: Have a few pre-planned scripts ready. For example:

• "I'm not comfortable talking about that right now."

• "Let’s focus on enjoying the meal."

• "I’d rather not discuss politics today."

You can also set time boundaries:

• Decide in advance how long you want to stay.

• Plan an exit strategy.

• Drive yourself or arrange a ride if you anticipate needing space.

3. Practice Mindful Self-Regulation During the Event

Even with boundaries in place, certain moments may feel triggering. Whether it’s a comment from a relative, an awkward silence, or feeling like you don’t belong, try to regulate your nervous system in the moment.

Therapist Tip: Use grounding techniques like:

• Box breathing (inhale for 4, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4)

• Noticing 5 things you can see, 4 you can feel, 3 you can hear...

• Stepping outside for fresh air

• Finding a quiet corner to check in with yourself

"The goal is not to suppress emotions, but to give yourself tools to ride the wave of discomfort without being overtaken by it."

4. Don’t Skip Meals or Self-Care Routines

Ironically, during a holiday centered around food and gratitude, people often skip meals beforehand, over-restrict, or fall into disordered eating habits due to food anxiety or diet talk.

Therapist Tip:

• Eat balanced meals throughout the day.

• Drink water.

• Avoid "saving up" for the big meal.

• Keep movement, rest, and sleep routines if you can.

Your body and brain will thank you.

5. Validate Your Grief or Loneliness

Holidays can resurface deep grief for those who have lost loved ones, are estranged from family, or are spending the day alone. This pain often feels invisible amid the festive noise.

Therapist Tip:

• Light a candle in memory of someone.

• Write a letter to someone you miss.

• Create your own ritual for honoring loss.

• Reach out to a friend or support group.

You are allowed to feel lonely and also create new meaning.

6. Create an Alternative Tradition

If traditional Thanksgiving feels draining or inaccessible, consider creating your own version. This could mean:

• Volunteering at a local shelter

• Hosting a Friendsgiving

• Going on a nature walk

• Making a gratitude playlist

• Staying in with movies and comfort food

Therapist Tip: Give yourself permission to redefine what the holiday means to you. Your mental health matters more than fitting a mold.

"Connection doesn’t have to look one way. You can choose what nurtures you."

7. Engage in Post-Holiday Recovery

Even if everything goes well, social interaction and emotional labor can be draining. Give yourself space to recover after Thanksgiving.

Post-holiday recovery ideas:

• Schedule a therapy session

• Take a day off work if you can

• Journal your thoughts or emotions

• Spend time alone doing something replenishing

• Get extra sleep

8. If You're a Therapist, Support Yourself Too

Therapists often feel the pressure to be calm, regulated, and emotionally available to others during the holidays. But you are human too. You deserve care, boundaries, and space to have your own emotions.

Therapist Tip:

• Create a short list of your own support people

• Consider scheduling your own therapy or supervision

• Remind yourself you are allowed to be a person first

9. Use Gratitude Thoughtfully, Not as Emotional Bypass

While gratitude can be a beautiful practice, it shouldn't be used to dismiss pain. Forcing gratitude can invalidate real feelings.

Instead of: "I should be grateful, not sad."

Try: "I’m feeling sad right now, and I’m also grateful for this warm cup of coffee."

"Gratitude and grief can coexist. Authenticity allows for both."

10. Remember You Are Not Alone

If you’re struggling, please know you are not the only one. This season affects many people in ways that go unseen.

Resources to consider:

• Mental health hotlines

• Online support groups

• Local therapy services (Meridian Counseling offers both virtual and in-person sessions)

You don’t need to wait until after the holidays to get help.

Thanksgiving doesn’t have to be perfect. It doesn’t even have to be traditional. You have permission to prioritize your needs, protect your peace, and create a version of the holiday that feels emotionally safe for you. Whatever this season brings, you are worthy of compassion, rest, and support.

FAQs

1. Is it okay to skip Thanksgiving with family? Absolutely. Your mental health matters more than obligation. If being with family is emotionally harmful, you have a right to opt out or limit your time.

2. How do I handle family members who pressure or guilt me? Use boundary scripts and remember that others’ reactions are not your responsibility. Stay rooted in your truth.

3. How can I avoid falling into old patterns during family visits? Prepare in advance. Ground yourself before the gathering. Have an ally (a sibling or friend) you can check in with. Create a mantra or physical anchor (like a bracelet) to remind yourself of your growth.

4. What if I feel lonely even if I’m surrounded by people? That’s more common than you think. Loneliness isn’t just about physical company—it’s about feeling emotionally seen and safe. Practice self-validation and seek connection in ways that feel nurturing.

5. How do I make Thanksgiving more manageable for my kids? Keep routines as steady as possible. Prep them for what to expect. Give them a quiet space to reset if needed. Model emotional regulation, and validate their feelings too.